1. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
正常版：在这个世界上，我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你，但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
2. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!3. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译版：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译版：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
5. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
6. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
7. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
直译版：宁可保持沉默，即使这样会让人觉得自己是个傻瓜，也不要出声说话，让别人因此对你傻不再有疑虑。
8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
9. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。
